if you like me you must not know who I am
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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