Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
