wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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