I'm so fucking centered right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
