was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
