Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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