we made out on top of his cat.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
