you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
