Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
