Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
