i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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