You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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