nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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