You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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