Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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