I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
