I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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