I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
