How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
