why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
