I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
