He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
