I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
