let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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