I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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