I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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