I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
