I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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