Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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