I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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