I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
