i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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