Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
