I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
