Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
