I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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