Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
