Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
