Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He felt like a one man threesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
