I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
