Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
