You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
