i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
