Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
