I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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