Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
