I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
