You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
