i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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