My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
