I am in a vortex of obligation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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