my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
