And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
