I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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