My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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