It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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