its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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