we have officially lost it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
