We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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