Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
