Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it's great music for shaving your balls
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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