so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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