my sisters under your porch take her home
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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