also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
