I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
