I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
