Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
