Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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