I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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