Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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