I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wear drunk well.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize