do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
