Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
