Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
