i need an iv and a liver transplant
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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