the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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