the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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