watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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