Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize