Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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