i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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