see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
