They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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