Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
